Learning to handle conflicts in the couple and make things go well is necessary, not only for the well-being of both, but also because there are many factors that converge in a relationship.
When we begin to share our life with someone else, all our beliefs, ideas, prejudices, ways of understanding the world and other elements that are part of each person's personality are entering the relationship.
Making things work, when all these aspects are involved, is not always easy and that is why many couples live in the midst of conflicts to which they often do not know how to find a way out and, unfortunately, choose to break the union .
Reasons for conflicts in the couple
The investigations that have arisen within this field have been diverse. Many of them have considered that the reasons why couples live in conflicts are due to several factors.
For example, a study indicates that the problems that appear in the couple are due to mismatches that have not been resolved because they do not have the necessary ability to resolve conflicts or because the coping strategies have been wrong.
Some of the failed strategies that many couples adopt are usually physical violence, coercion, avoidance response, or because there are no reinforcements to manage the behavior and that there are effective changes.
This has made some experts in the field provide recommendations to overcome the problems, and that among them is to learn to accept the disagreements, without these leading to fights.
This is because most people do not easily accept that others think differently, and this is normal, so we must always focus on the strengths of our personality and not on weaknesses.
Other works have also pointed to the need to make demands that are realistic, because, many times, we hope that the other person meets expectations that are far from reality.
Learn to handle conflicts in the couple
Now, surely you will be wondering how you should abort this matter and have a good relationship with your partner, so we have decided to share with you a series of suggestions:
- Accept disagreements: as we mentioned, It is a myth that couples do not have arguments or disagreements; Well, reality indicates that the difference in criteria will not make everyone have the same opinion at all times, and this can happen even to choose a movie in the cinema. So, to begin with, it is best to accept this fact.
- Communication: It is important to communicate in the best way, without causing harm to our partner, by selecting the best way to say things, as well as tone. The goal is to prevent the difference of opinion from becoming a fight.
- Express the inconvenience: This is also relevant. We should not fall silent in order to avoid arguments. If something bothers you, you can express it, always choosing the most appropriate words.
- Listens: it's not just about communicating what bothers us, but about knowing how to listen to the other, allow him to speak until the end, without interrupting him, and listening carefully to avoid misinterpretation. Sometimes we don't listen, but only hear to react or respond. If we truly listen, we can better address the problem.
- Address a single issue: and avoid going into the past or exposing other problems that are not happening at the moment. The topic of discussion must be precise.
- Do not disqualify: This can hurt your partner's feelings, and It is not a tool to solve conflicts. On the contrary, it can open new gaps in the relationship.
- Learn to negotiate: not all the time you, or your partner, must be right. That is not the objective that is sought, but the solution to a problem, and often negotiation is a great tool.
Once clarified that it is normal to have different views, then the important thing is to start addressing the issues without causing harm and always having the approach that what we want is a solution, no more discord.
García, F. E., Fuentes Zarate, R., & Sánchez Sánchez, A. (2016). Love, satisfaction in the couple and conflict resolution in young adults. Ajayu Organ of Scientific Dissemination of the Department of Psychology UCBSP.
Perles, F., San Martín, J., Canto, J., & Moreno, P. (2011). Emotional intelligence, jealousy, tendency to abuse and conflict resolution strategies in the couple. Writings of Psychology / Psychological Writings. //doi.org/10.5231/psy.writ.2011.0605
Sangrador, J. (1993). Psychosocial considerations about romantic love. Psicothema
Varela, M. I. A. (2009). Empathic Understanding and Negotiation Styles in the relationship. Mediation tools. International Journal of Psychology. //doi.org/10.33670/18181023.v10i02.55